Gabe and Daddy Wade

This was my first UC and my third birth. I was 17 when I had my first daughter and really was not educated at all. My mother died when I was 11 and I hadn't even spoken to my father in years, so I really didn't have a support group. I just blindly trusted the doctors, as most uneducated people do in this country. I was given an epidural too early and my contractions stopped so I was given a Pitocin drip. The usual story, but she was facing up, so in order to avoid a c-section my doctor, (a woman) put her whole hand inside me and turned her, by her head, to a downward position. She could have easily snapped her little neck, but God was with us and after three days of labor, Layla was born weighing 7lbs 11 oz. They cut me even though there was no reason to do so. I regret not knowing more then because I could have avoided a lot of pain, physically and mentally.

A few years later I met my husband and we got pregnant. I was excited and determined to do things differently this time. I planned a natural hospital birth and my doctor agreed. Throughout my whole pregnancy he complained about how much weight I was gaining, which caused me to become very depressed, but at the time I just thought it was all those crazy hormones. I'm 5`4" and I usually weigh 120, but when I'm pregnant I gain a lot of weight, usually about 50lbs. That's normal for me.

The day I went into labor was a good day for me, until I went into the hospital. I buzzed around the house, getting last minute things done and when my husband came home we went. I wish now that I would have stayed a little longer, and enjoyed more of the labor, but I didn't know how intense the contractions were going to get, and this was my husband's first child, so I didn't feel like I could depend on him all that much. When we got there the nurses were so rude. She wanted to give me an I.V. in my right arm and I told her she wouldn't be able to get a vein, but because all her monitors were on that side she insisted. After about three tries I said no more. How lazy is that, you know? What other place in the world do you pay to be treated so rudely? They insisted on so many things that were hospital policy and my doctor never mentioned any of them. I was shaved, had an enema, and monitored, unable to walk around.

Finally I said I was getting up whether they liked it or not, and the nurse said "OK, maybe for half an hour or so." I wanted to punch her in the face. All of this stress was complicated by the fact that no one from my husband's family came because we were not married yet. Layla was five years old then and she had to sit in the hall for most of the evening because I was screaming and carrying on like a crazy lady. Poor hubby was running back and forth. It was just not at all how I wanted things to go.

Finally we were able to get a hold of a friend to come and sit with her, which was such a blessing because things were really picking up now. The stress of it all was becoming too much for me and I broke down and asked for an epidural. If I would have known then how close I was I would have been able to keep going. No one even checked me, before it was given, and the woman that gave it to me was the rudest of all, saying, "See you should have just gotten it in the first place." If she didn't have a needle in my back at the time, I probably would have given her a piece of my mind. Right after that things started to change and our second daughter Hagen Ezra was born, 8lb 5oz. The epidural never even took. The doctor barely made it. I was depressed for about a year afterwards because I felt like a failure. I thought I was fat thanks to the good old doc, and it took me a long time and a lot of prayer to get over all of that.

About four years later, we planned our third pregnancy. I knew I wanted things to go my way this time and no one was going to change that. I was definitely going to birth at home, but it was only after searching the net and finding Laura's web site that I realized that UC was for me. It didn't even dawn on me that I had that option. It was a crazy thought that wasn't so crazy at all. I prayed that God would give me a sign as to what He wanted us to do. I knew giving it to Him was the only way that it would work out. So, when I talked to my husband about it he immediately said OK. That was all the sign I needed.

So I went to work, reading everything I could get my hands on, educating myself as much as possible and keeping my focus on the Lord and what He wanted us to do. I did my own prenatal care, and never once worried about my weight, because I knew what was right for my body. (Another thing about my body is that I give birth "late"; all 3 of my kids were born 2 weeks "late"on Monday morning, within 3 hrs of each other.) My family doctor knew my plans and was very supportive. If I had a question about something I could go and see her. It was so nice not to have someone putting their hang-ups on me. I did see her twice during my pregnancy, but it was for other things.

I went through a lot of "what if's" over the next few months and really had to come to terms with what we were planning to do. It became a spiritual journey for me. I realized that every time I started to doubt myself that I hadn't been reading my bible and that I wasn't keeping my eyes on God. He was the reason I was pregnant in the first place and He wasn't going to abandon us at the very end. I should mention that I had a LEEP done about six months before and the doctor told me that I should make sure that I didn't want any more kids (and at the time I didn't) because it was very likely that if I did get pregnant that it would be a tubal or that my cervix would not be able to hold the weight of the baby. Boy was he wrong!!!!

We didn't tell very many people because we knew how most of them would react, including my husband's parents, but I didn't want to lie to anyone either. I think they must have known something was going on when I didn't get an ultrasound and all the other things that most people do, needlessly, during a pregnancy. So, one day, about a month before the birth, I sat down and wrote out a long e-mail telling everyone our plans. Needless to say they were shocked. I knew that it would be like that but actually dealing with it was extremely stressful.

Even though his family are Christians they just didn't seem to be able to understand how we could be so irresponsible, but to me it was more dangerous to know in your heart what God wants you to do and not do it than to obey Him.

As my due date came and went, the phone rang more and more. Everyone was soo worried that they were calling me everyday asking about contractions and was anything changing. I quit answering the phone, because it made the time seem so much longer. I was ready to see my baby. I wondered if we would finally have a boy, and if he would look like me or his dad. I had been having contractions for weeks but nothing to really talk about.

Then, Sunday morning, two weeks after my due date things started to change. While we were in church I could feel myself opening up. I'd never been so in touch with my body before, and so relaxed and confident, it seemed so normal and natural. I was excited but relaxed at the same time.

After church we came home to eat some lunch, I had some bloody show which I never had with the girls. I felt like I needed to walk around so we went to get the girl's school supplies and a few last minute snacks and things for the birth. I tried to rest when we got home but I couldn't so I just lay on the couch or walked around the house. Things went along pretty steadily until about nine when the girls went to bed. I was ready for them to be in bed so that I could focus on myself and the work at hand. It was like my body knew when to start picking up, because almost as soon as they were in bed I had to start concentrating on keeping my muscles relaxed.

By ten or so I needed Wade (hubby) to help me by rubbing my belly and just being close. He was great through the whole labor, he helped me get our "nest" set up and got our supplies, candles and music all going. I enjoyed it more than I realized I would. We started to wonder when my water would break, because with both of the girls my waters were broken in order to get things "moving along." I had been having a lot of bowel movements; my body was cleaning itself out. I was going back and forth from the toilet to the bed. (Good thing they were only a few feet away from each other.) Wade followed me the whole time rubbing my belly and back. While I was on the pot, after a strong contraction, he was sitting in front of me telling me how good I was doing and looking into my eyes, it was such a touching moment, right as we kissed my water broke!! I will never forget that moment. It scared us at first because we didn't expect it.

Things really picked up after that and my ability to stay relaxed was almost completely lost. That's when I knew that I had to get in the tub and let my muscles have a little break. I had gone in once before and it helped a lot. Wade didn't want me to because my water had broken, but I was going in no matter what. It did help take the edge off, but not as much as I would have liked.

Now from this point on it is all a bit of a whirlwind for me. Transition lasted a lot longer than it had with the girls, and I started to forget not to complain. It became impossible to relax now and I had to moan very loudly and deeply to get through it. For a short time I started saying that I wanted drugs. I knew that it wouldn't be long now. Wade was so great, reminding me that that would be going against everything we had worked so hard for. Soon after that I became like a bear, growling through every opening contraction and pushing, although I don't think Wade realized that that's what I was doing.

Pushing lasted about three hours according to Wade, but there was no such thing as time for me. I was on the floor in front of the bathroom door (our bed is right next to the bathroom door) and Wade kept talking to me trying to get me to move onto the bed, but I wasn't going anywhere!! I said shut-up and rub!! It seemed funny to me that he would want to have a conversation about position and how the baby was moving down, when I was butt-naked on the floor growling like a bear. Contractions started coming on top of one another and I remember thinking/hearing my inner self say to step out of the way and let it happen, that helped a lot. Although it was a lot of hard work and very intense, I was never scared, not once.

I knew in my heart that everything was going to go well and that God was with us, and He was and has been through it all. I could feel the baby start to move down and I knew it would all be over soon. The whole time I was pushing, my bottom was as low as it could be. I felt like I was connected to the earth, a solid connection, like my hands were stone or rock.

I had to poop again but I knew I couldn't move at that point. I was trying to push but not poop for Wade's sake since he was right behind me, but it was inevitable so he adjusted the towel I was on and after he wiped me and put a new towel over the mess I was able to push much more effectively. I felt so connected to myself. I could feel the head with my hand, but wasn't sure if it was the head or part of me because it was so smooth. On the next push Wade said he could see the head and a few more pushes it was out - then NOTHING, I had nothing left, no contraction, no energy left, nothing.

At that point I didn't feel scared, but I knew from Wade's voice that he was worried. He said that the head was turning blue, then black, but I couldn't push him out. I told him to pull him out, but I knew in my mind that he wouldn't be able to. He said "Baby, you're going to have to stand up." As soon as I got on my feet, in a squatting position, he popped out. Later, Wade told me he wasn't sure if he said it out loud or in his head but he asked God what he should do and that's when he told me to stand up. It was like I just stalled for a second. It all happened within a few seconds but it seemed to last much longer than that.

As soon as he was out I turned around to see him cough out a ton of fluid and he was already pink. I said, "It's a boy!" Wade was so busy making sure he was OK that he didn't even notice. I sat down with him between my legs, and the after pains came almost as soon as he was born.

I couldn't really hold him or focus on anything until the placenta was birthed. I had planned to wait to cut the cord until after it had stopped pulsing but I needed to be free to birth the placenta. Our oldest daughter, Layla wanted to cut the cord, but when she saw it she changed her mind. Wade had woken them up as soon as the baby was born. As soon as the placenta came I felt great, it's like I wasn't done until it was out. It was huge; I mean it must have weighed 6lbs.

I knew in my heart that there was some reason the Lord wanted us to birth at home and this was it. I think that's why I had to push for so long, so that he could move past it. If I were in a hospital a doctor would have wanted me to have a c-section. I did tear just a little and I also got a skid mark, but neither was very painful and it is remarkable how fast my body has been able to bounce back. I realize now that I never needed an episiotomy with either of my girls, and in comparison I would rather tear a little than be cut any day.

Gabriel William Wilbanks was born August 4th, 2003 at around 1:01am. He weighed 9lbs and was 20 1/2 inches long. We didn't get the actual birth on tape but we were able to get the cutting of the cord.

I am so thankful for this birth. It was the hardest, most intense thing I have ever done, but it was also the most correct choice I've ever made in my life. We were obedient to God and we have been rewarded more than we could have ever known possible.

I could not have done it without Wade; he did everything right and really picked up the slack for me. I'm so proud of him. People ask me all the time if we are closer because of this experience, but we've always been this close. I just appreciate him more than I used to. I've read in so many of the other stories that this is an every day miracle and it really is. It's like Gabe was always with us and in a way he always was. It was spectacular, but normal, natural and very private. I love being able to tell people that Wade was the first person to touch his son.

This has been a healing experience for both of us and our family feels complete now. I feel so happy in my heart and I'm a much better mom than I used to be. I'm thankful for every day that I have with my family and I know I would want to do it this way again if God granted us with another little angel. There is a peace and a sense of self that I never had before and I am able to carry that through to other parts of my life. I'm ready for whatever life has to offer now. We are just so blessed to have had such a humbling experience, and I thank God every day.